


Never Let Go

by letmegeekatyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-24
Packaged: 2018-01-20 16:40:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1517702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean has Castiel, and that makes him both happy and afraid.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Let Go

_I will never let go of you_ , Dean thought, gazing down at the angel in his arms, smiling at the way he frowned in his sleep and rubbing gentle circles into his back. _I will never walk away._

It had taken so long to get here, so many years of wanting and needing and not knowing how to say any of it. So many sacrifices and betrayals, and so much forgiveness he sometimes felt he could drown in it. And now here they were, two nightstands, two lamps, two pillows on one bed. Two robes hanging on the back of one door.

It wasn’t perfect, of course. Cas had Heaven to deal with, had his weird little band of followers, and he was trying so hard to do the right thing by them, and sometimes it made Dean feel very small and inconsequential. But then Cas would look at him for approval or touch his hand across the table or lay like this, holding onto Dean like a life raft in the ocean, and suddenly he didn’t feel so small.

And God knows, Dean hadn’t been the best boyfriend lately, and the Mark of Cain was a sore spot between them. It made Cas afraid, almost as afraid as Dean was, and they both dealt with the fear by being as angry about it as they could, by shouting and growling and turning their backs on each other with tears in their eyes because  _fuck_ this was not a good thing.

It was something they’d figure out, though. Dean had to believe that. He had to believe that as long as he had Cas, he could face whatever came for him, or from him. And he was clinging to that idea because without that hope, he was going to sink like a stone. “I will never let go of you,” he whispered into Cas’s hair.

But trees never let go of their leaves, and still every year they fall. Every year, they turn red, and the world drowns in fire.

***

"Dean? What’s wrong?" Cas was awake now, gazing up at him with the same worried frown he’d worn in his sleep. "You’re anxious."

"Nothing, Cas. I’m fine," he lied, stroking the angel’s hair. "Go back to sleep." But Castiel’s frown deepened, and he sat up next to Dean, laying one warm hand over his lover’s heart.

"You’re not fine. I felt your heart in my dreams; it was frantic. I was dreaming of the forest, and your heart made the leaves catch fire." His eyes went from concern to Angel of the Lord. "Talk to me," he commanded.

"Jesus, fine. Don’t look so smite-y." Dean sighed and laid his hand over Cas’s. "I was thinking about the future. And how we don’t know what’s coming, and I don’t know if…I don’t know if I’ll be able to hang onto you."

Cas looked down at their hands, at how Dean’s fingers curled around his and held his hand in place. “It’s my fault,” he whispered, almost to himself.

"What? No, Cas, it’s…it’s everything. Heaven and Abaddon and the Mark and all. Circumstances, you know?" But Cas couldn’t meet his eyes.

"No, Dean, it’s not that. Not really." Finally he looked up. "I never apologized to you."

"For what?"

"For Purgatory. For making you leave me behind." Dean sat up, not letting go of Cas’s hand, and Cas knew he’d struck a nerve by the set of Dean’s mouth. There were fine lines there, deeper now than when they’d first met, and they were wonderful to kiss when he smiled. "All this time, I let you think I hated myself more than I loved you."

"Cas, you don’t have to—"

"I am sorry, Dean. I need you to know that, and I am sorry it took me so long to say it. And I promise you, no matter what happens next, I will never let you leave me behind again.  _I will hang onto you_ ,” he whispered, leaning forward to touch Dean’s cheek and kiss him softly. “I will never let go.”

Dean took a shuddering breath and leaned into the touch, finally releasing Cas’s hand so he could pull him closer and bury his head in his shoulder. Cas did the same, and they sat there like that for a long while, hanging onto each other. 

Every autumn, leaves fall from the burning trees until only bare branches remain, but scattered among these are also the evergreens, which hold tight to their foliage come what may. Every winter, they stand in the barren woods like patient, green sentinels, and they are present always to witness the coming of spring.


End file.
